Big Old Jet Airliner Don't Carry Me Too Far Away.: Go Farang Yourself.

"I love Bangkok" I told an intoxicated British man outside a street vendors cart. "Why in gods name do you love this place?" he asked me indignantly. I said "oh I just love big cities, the hustle, and the chaos they are so much fun!" He just rolled his eyes and said "oh you are such an American". Ya true and you are an old sleazy British dude is what I should of said.

But it's true I love Bangkok. Ridiculous amounts of people, shopping malls, street food, chickens, lady boys, crazy cab drivers, sex shows and neon signs all come together to make the best city in Asia. Everything is happening in Bangkok. It is always awake and looking to make you a deal. People in Bangkok are on the hustle 24-7 but unlike other places in Asia the Thai laid back, sense of humor can still be found in this major metropolis. It is sprawling and at times intimidating but hop on a ferry boat, or the even more efficient sky train and in minutes you are absorbed into the energy of the city. The best part about Bangkok is the ridiculous amount of cheap food. Delicious fried noodles, curries and rice, any Asian food your little heart desires for a dollar a plate. So ya I am sooo American, I love Bangkok.

After Bangkok we headed north to Chang Mai the bread basket of the country and a bohemian city that is moving at half the speed of wound up Bangkok. In Chang Mai I had my first Birthday abroad. Rooz and I got our first Thai massages for 10 bucks, total. I spent the entire time laughing because I am insanely ticklish, and then whimpering because she was twisting my body into an pretzel. Needless to say I am a masseuse's worst nightmare. I was constantly squirming and giggling and contorting my face into a million weird shapes. And the fact that I speak no Thai did not help either of us out, cave man gestures do not work when a little Thai woman is pounding her knees into your back. Oh Thai massage, it hurts so good.

Next we headed to Pai a little town surrounded by jungle and full of western hippies showing off their dread-locks and new tattoos of the Om symbol. And then we were off to Chang Kong to make the boat trip to Laos.
Over all Thailand is breath-taking, and awe inspiring. My one beef is the way they have changed certain regions of their beautiful country into a playground for white tourists.
In Thailand the word for tourist or foreigner is farang. Farang can be merely descriptive, but it can also be pejorative. In Thailand many places cater specifically to the Farang tourist market, watering down their own amazing and vibrant culture. I did not enjoy taking part in or observing this farang culture of bad western food, and VIP coach buses taking you everywhere. It was a struggle not to be the epitome of a farang because you have to fight nail and tooth in order not to be pigeon holed into this western centric way of travel. It was a challenge to explain to the Thai people that we did not want to be given the farang food menu (aka pizza, sandwiches, and imitation Mexican food) but instead wanted to eat real Thai food. And they thought we were being crazy or just difficult when we wanted to ride on an actual Thai bus or train as opposed to the VIP coaches. Thailand was so wonderful in so many ways but you begin to be self loathing and hate all tourists because of this farang culture and what it is doing to the people and the land.

The best thing to do was to get out of the guesthouse neighborhoods and try to go where the Thai people are, as opposed to where all the fifty year old ex-pats with Thai hookers were hanging out. I am not denying that I am a total tourist, farang, whatever you want to call me, but for god sakes I came to Asia, and Thailand to at see a little bit of the real culture and to eat some frickin rice, not a wood oven pizza. Thailand is beautiful and amazing but the farang culture has gotta go, and us whiteys are the only ones who can stop it. So next time you go to Thailand get your butt on an actual Thai train, and eat some fricking Thai curries, you stupid farangs.