The Good the Bad and the Freaky side of Valpo

\










y


n
e



Valparaiso is where Chile hides it's skeletons. If you are a hippie, a rebel, an artist, or a hobo you probably live in Valpo. If you are a law abiding Chilean you probably just visit on the weekends or during the cultural festival. The music, the people, the gritty scenery, it all adds to Valpos charm and intrigue. We came for the cultural parade and I was expecting to be disappointed, since parades never seem to come through way they should. This parade was full music, costumes and performers who were letting their freak flags fly.
But in reality the city of Valparaiso is always performing. Here the cultural festival is day where the city's occupants put on a show for visitors. In Valparaiso, there is a cultural parade everyday. It is a port city and it lives up to the stereotype. It is full of colorful characters with more than a few stories to tell, and plenty of people looking to trade goods, if you know what I mean. It is Chile's dirty little cultural secret. The home of Pablo Neruda's house and tons of other artists, poets, writers, and people who refuse to behave the way they should. Even a dictator could not scare this city into submission and it's residents seems proud of that. They are the Chileans who refuse to conform and refuse to be proper. This this the city where you hold your bag a little tighter and give everyone who crosses your path the once over. In reality that is what real South America is about, being a little scared, a little bit cautious, but being completely fascinated by people dancing and living vivaciously right in front of your eyes. Valparaiso is the dirty, dangerous, beatnik, boho town that never seems to care what the rest of the country is doing.

Chilean 101

g
n



I am discovering that being a Chilean is not as difficult as it may appear at first glance. After being in Chile for about three weeks I have most of the important stuff down. This is a run down of the 10 most imperative things you need to know in order to fool the locals and lose your Gringo status.

1. Eat Completos.
How do you improve an already amazing hot dog? Smother it with Avocado. It's the best idea ever. This masterpiece is accurately titled "The Completo" and really what more do you need? A hot dog with guacamole is like the Mona Lisa of junk food. It is pure genius in a bun. Thank you Chile you are an inspiration to us all. Plus they usually run about 450 pesos. Less than a dollar for pure joy and gastronomical pleasure.

2. Speak insanely fast and run your sentences together. The faster the better.
Listening to a Chilean speak is like listening to Eminem rap. You catch every other word. Basically they got mad rhymes and they could all be professional rappers. It makes your head spin. They speak at the speed of sound. Just smile, nod and say "Si, po" as often as possible.


3. Use "Si po" and "Cachay" after everything you say.
"Si po" is something Chileans say after everything. It is used to break up sentences, affirm what you are saying, or just because. It means "ya man" or "of course" or "I hear you" or anything you want it to. Use it liberally and you are in. "Cachay" means "did you get it?" be sure to say this phrase after absolutely everything. With these two little phrases in your arsenal you will look as Chilean as it gets.


4. The best way to make friends is to ask for a favor.
In Chile small talk is a tad bit overrated, they are not always the best conversationalists when compared to their follow South Americans. But ask them for, help, directions, advice, to borrow something or to try their food and suddenly you have a new friend. So basically just be really needy and helpless and you will be oh so popular here.

5. Always have camel toe.
This is a tad bit cruel but the truth has to be spoken,: everyone hear has camel toe. It is a prerequisite. The old lady on the subway, the woman in line at the super market, the girl at the club. It is ubiquitous. Otherwise Chileans have pretty good style, I have seen some killer outfits but the camel toe is synonymous with Chile. I think maybe it is some kind of fad but I think I'll just wear some gladiator sandals and call it a day.

6. Never go out drinking before 12am.
Biggest Gringo move ever? Being ready to go out at 10pm. Soooo, not going to happen. No one even dares show their face at a club before 12am and that is still too early. Chileans stay out until the next fricking day. It's not a night out unless you're still out at 7am. If the morning paper is not printed and delivered it is too early to be catching a cab home.


7. Drink Pisco, religiously.
Pisco is a Chilean brandy made from white grapes. They love the stuff so much they invented their own verb for drinking Pisco and cola (piscola). They will ask you "Estas piscoleando," which roughly translated means "Are you getting hammered on piscola?" And once you become a true Chilean you will always reply: "Si Po!"


8. Dinner is so not Chilean.
So dinner is not an option in Chile. They prefer to gorge themselves on a Menu (a three course set meal, which is usually pretty economical) during the 3 hour lunch period. Then for dinner they have Onces which is sandwiches or a small snack. So don't waste your time asking around for where the best place to eat dinner is. You get your eats from 12-3pm like the locals or you are out of luck kid.


9. Pierce or tattoo something.
Everyone has a tattoo, a piercing, or both. I look like the biggest up-tight goodie two shoes ever. There are old ladies here in Santiago who would put bikers to shame. So get your self a belly button ring or an ankle tattoo before you apply for the visa because it's a serious requirement.



10. Unleash as much PDA as possible infront of innocent bystanders.
Here in Chile young and old do not hold back. They are out in the open, making-out on park benches, in the subway, on the bus and in line at the grocery store. It's like the Summer of Love cerca 1968 here. It doesn't matter if you are 14 or 82, you are kissing and groping like no tomorrow. The norm here is to see two 45 year olds doing some serious macking at 1:30pm in the Park on a Tuesday afternoon. These people do not mess around. It is like being at a drive in theater in the 1950s. Apparently they find it too inconvenient to mack-it at home. They would rather be out in the city making people ill. But hey, you can't fight city hall, if you wanna be Chilean you gotta find a partner and do some necking on a park bench.

San Pedro de Atacama

This desert is one hot mother. Our first day there we swam in a salt lake that makes you float, I tried to walk on the water like Jesus but floating like a buoy was the best I could do. We also saw the small salt flat there. It looked like icy snow, in the middle of a barren desert., like someone had dumped a bunch of ice in the middle of a sand box. It was so gorgeous and yet confounding.

The second day we woke up at the ungodly hour of 3:40 am to go the Geyser Tatio. Up in the altiplano (high desert plain) which was freaking freezing. It felt like being on the moon, and I should know a little bit about the moon considering I did attend NASA space camp. I am practically an astronaut.

The actual geysers looked more like pots of boiling water to me than geysers, which was tempting due to the extremely frigid weather but I kept my distance. The landscape of the desert was the highlight. It was so vast and beautiful that it was hypnotic. After freezing my booty off we were taken to hot springs surrounded by boiling geysers. I was so excited about the prospect of getting warm I got a little over eager and tried to throw myself on the opening to the hot spring. I burned my foot and was screaming bloody murder because I was engulfed in 200 degree water. I was one of those people our morbidly obese guide warned us about: the slow tourist who is too frozen to think logically. I wanted to get warm at any cost even if it meant scalding myself. Thankfully I was clear headed enough to stay away from the center of the actual geysers. Every year some really dense tourist apparently tries to get too close to the geyser, ends up falling in and does not make the bus ride home. Hotsprings are one thing, I definitely would not try to stick myself into an actual geyser. My parents will be happy to hear I have that much sense.

We stopped in a small village and ate some llama kabob. Llama is incredibly tasty, I think it would be a big hit in the U.S. I don't know why llamas are used purely for petting zoos in the U.S. because it is a total waste of a delicious animal. So that was my time in the desert. It was beautiful, dry, dusty and full of landscapes that play with one's perception. Atacama you are anything but a god forsaken desert.

Chile! Let the Sunshine in....

We spent New Years in Arica, Chile , and I was loving life. Mostly because of the sunshine and the amazing beach. I realized being in the South of Peru for six weeks that, I need the beach. I am a mess without the ocean. I feel off center if I am not able to get to a beach. The mountains are amazing in Peru, the Andes are monstrous and breathtaking, but after a while I get antsy for the beach. Mountains are fun to look at, but after a few days they just make me cold and I get agitated; and I need some sun and beach to make me happy. So being in Chile I am in true form. I can lay in the sunshine and just soak it in. Needless to say I am a total brat and ridiculously spoiled by California, but at least I am self aware. So Chile is my new home and I am happy because no matter where you are you are only a few hours from the beach. So now, I am completely sunburned and peeling in places I never thought I could, but it is sunny and I am near the ocean, and that is all that matters.

Pachamama.

Lake Titicaca is where I felt the real Peru. The lake itself is magnificent. The lake and the sky are like one, there seems to be a meeting between heaven and earth. At Lake Titicaca you feel far away from anything harmful, it is totally isolated and pure. A place where you are surprised by natural beauty everywhere you turn. Here you really feel the presence of Pachamama, mother earth in Quechua, (the indigenous language spoken in Peru). Pachamama is revered here and her power seems astounding when surrounded by nothing but beautiful scenery. Pachamama is a hard lady to get to know in the urban jungles of the world, but being at Lake Titicaca I understood her magnitude and greatness. There I became a true believer in the idea of Mother Earth, or Pachamama.
We went to a small island off the coast of the mainland in lake Titicaca called Amantani. We took a three hour colorful boat ride filled to the brim with local people, fruit,vegetables, crates of other necessary supplies, and two fricking sheep! After a hellish ride, where we were on the brink of capsizing more than once, we finally arrived to Amantani.

This was a place so peaceful, so serene, it felt like being in an alternate universe when juxtaposed to the hustle and bustle, and grime of other parts of Peru. Amantani has about 800 families living on the island, and the people on the island live a communal type lifestyle. The motto on the island of Amantani is "hoy para ti, manana para mi." This means today for you, tomorrow for me. This motto of giving for your neighbors, is really exemplified on the island. Life here is simple but happy, the people on the island greet everyone they meet with a smile and seem very content. They have electricity on the island powered by generators for only a few hours a day. On the island they grow most of the food they eat and keep small farm animals for milk and other resources.

We stayed for one night in a traditional adobe house with: Ygnacio Suly an man from Amantani, his wife and their four beautiful children. This idyllic place was where I felt and learned the most about Indigenous Peruvian culture and their family relationships. Here the people of Amantani speak Quechua, and for the most part, live simple lives staying true to their traditions and culture. The people of the island made such an effort to show their hospitality and congenial nature, I was immediately astounded by their openness. I felt very much at home with the Amantani villagers, they did not have much materially but, were more than generous with what little they had. At night we went to the villages small community center and had the privilege of dancing with the women of the community and other tourists. It was only one day but, I felt really connected to the people of the island and I will never forget their charm, positive outlook and hospitality. It was a day where I felt closer than ever to good ole Pachamama and her peeps.