The Proper Attire

In other parts of the world, fashion trends come from the usual sources: celebrities, fashion magazines, film, and of course designers. Here in South East Asia the fashion trends are a lot less refined. Here your attire mainly has to do with where in Asia you were last. Which is why, as you meet up with your fellow backpacker on the trail, you can easily decipher exactly where these vagabonds have been, just by checking out their apparel.

After a while you look around and realize that everyone is essentially wearing the same outfits. It is a little reminiscent of high school. But instead of Ugg boots and Abercrombie and Fitch, the South East Asian uniform is the t-shirt. The cheesier and more touristy the better.

If you have been to Thailand you for sure own a "Beer Chang" or "Singha" t-shirt. If you have been to Indonesia you most likely have something that says "Bali" on it. If you are a traveler that has journeyed to Vietnam you pick up some type of top that has the Vietnamese flag on it, or says "Good Morning, Vietnam" after the American film about the Vietnam War. The list goes on and on.

Well, here in Laos there is one shirt that every self-respecting back packer cannot live with out. That is the singlet that says : "Tubing in the Vang Vieng, Laos". Everywhere you turn you see travelers of all shapes and sizes reping this t-shirt. It is the holy grail of travel tees in South East Asia. Therefore being the fashion plate that I am, I was on a mission to get this necessary garment.

Vang Vieng is a small town in the North-West of the country that draws in the backpacking scene because of its beautiful river the Nam Song. Here you rent a tube and flow from a high point on the river down to Vang Vieng, stopping periodically at the copious amounts of bars along the river banks. At these river side bars they have set up rope swings, zip-lines, a water slide and other water attractions for you to enjoy, and for you to watch others drunkenly make fools of themselves on.

We spent three days swimming and tubing, jumping off the rope swings, getting rowdy and having a grand old time. It is beautiful scenery down by the Nam Song river and Vang Vieng is a complete blast of a town. But most importantly I am no longer a social outcast at the hostels and guesthouses we arrive at, I have the ultimate cheesy t-shirt: "Tubing in the Vang Vieng", Laos. Making my mama proud.

Go speed racer!

the monk who put my mind at ease.









Getting to Luang Prabang was an unforgetable journey. In South East Asia the one thing you can always depend on is the unexpected. Adventure always creeps up on you when you least expect it. We had decided to take a boat to Lao from Thailand in order to enjoy the breath taking scenery on the Mekong River. When you go by boat to Laos you have two options: the speed boat or the slow boat. We bought a ticket in Thailand for the "speed boat" naively thinking that this was the more rational choice because you arrive in Luang Prabang in seven short hours opposed to the "slow boat" which takes two excruciating days. Now the term "speed boat" conjures up the blissful image of a small but sturdy ski boat that you take out on the river, or lake every summer. Rooz and I thought we were making a wise decision, believing that the "slow boat " was some kinda tourist trap for families and old people. How naive we were....




Here in Laos the "speed boat" is a wooden canoe with a Toyota motor haphazardly strapped to the back, that is filled to capacity with people, luggage and random animals (fish, muskrats, the usual) that the driver decides to transport for a fee down the river. When this "speed boat" pulled up Rooz joked "there is our boat!" chuckle, chuckle. Then the driver motioned us to get in. The blood drained from my face, "Oh freaking A, that is the speed boat!" We rode for seven hours in the blistering sun wearing old deteriorating life jackets and helmets (as if these safety precautions were supposed to ease our worry) bumping up and down on the hard wooden seats. Fifteen minutes into the ride, Rooz screams to me over the deafening motor, "This is why everyone takes the slow boat!" Live and learn. Our only consolation was that our boat had a Buddhist monk riding with us. The whole time I just kept saying, "the boat is not gonna flip over, there is a monk on board!" Seven hours later we arrived in Luang Prabang, my knees and shoulders looked like slabs of red meat thanks to the lack of shade and my throat was so dry from the wind I thought I was going to die. Still we had made it to Laos wiser and stronger, and more thankful to that Buddhist monk, for the comfort he provided, than he could ever know. Hello Laos, good bye speed boat.

Our second day in Luang Prabang (the cutest little city colonialism ever created) we hopped in a pick up truck taxi and headed to the luscious waterfalls twenty five km outside of the town. We swam in the turquoise water and got pelted by amazing waterfalls. We even jumped off rocks with monks, who are ubiquitous here, in serene Laos. It was so picture perfect, I had to keep pinching myself. Good times.

Go Farang Yourself.

"I love Bangkok" I told an intoxicated British man outside a street vendors cart. "Why in gods name do you love this place?" he asked me indignantly. I said "oh I just love big cities, the hustle, and the chaos they are so much fun!" He just rolled his eyes and said "oh you are such an American". Ya true and you are an old sleazy British dude is what I should of said.

But it's true I love Bangkok. Ridiculous amounts of people, shopping malls, street food, chickens, lady boys, crazy cab drivers, sex shows and neon signs all come together to make the best city in Asia. Everything is happening in Bangkok. It is always awake and looking to make you a deal. People in Bangkok are on the hustle 24-7 but unlike other places in Asia the Thai laid back, sense of humor can still be found in this major metropolis. It is sprawling and at times intimidating but hop on a ferry boat, or the even more efficient sky train and in minutes you are absorbed into the energy of the city. The best part about Bangkok is the ridiculous amount of cheap food. Delicious fried noodles, curries and rice, any Asian food your little heart desires for a dollar a plate. So ya I am sooo American, I love Bangkok.

After Bangkok we headed north to Chang Mai the bread basket of the country and a bohemian city that is moving at half the speed of wound up Bangkok. In Chang Mai I had my first Birthday abroad. Rooz and I got our first Thai massages for 10 bucks, total. I spent the entire time laughing because I am insanely ticklish, and then whimpering because she was twisting my body into an pretzel. Needless to say I am a masseuse's worst nightmare. I was constantly squirming and giggling and contorting my face into a million weird shapes. And the fact that I speak no Thai did not help either of us out, cave man gestures do not work when a little Thai woman is pounding her knees into your back. Oh Thai massage, it hurts so good.


Next we headed to Pai a little town surrounded by jungle and full of western hippies showing off their dread-locks and new tattoos of the Om symbol. And then we were off to Chang Kong to make the boat trip to Laos.
Over all Thailand is breath-taking, and awe inspiring. My one beef is the way they have changed certain regions of their beautiful country into a playground for white tourists.
In Thailand the word for tourist or foreigner is farang. Farang can be merely descriptive, but it can also be pejorative. In Thailand many places cater specifically to the Farang tourist market, watering down their own amazing and vibrant culture. I did not enjoy taking part in or observing this farang culture of bad western food, and VIP coach buses taking you everywhere. It was a struggle not to be the epitome of a farang because you have to fight nail and tooth in order not to be pigeon holed into this western centric way of travel. It was a challenge to explain to the Thai people that we did not want to be given the farang food menu (aka pizza, sandwiches, and imitation Mexican food) but instead wanted to eat real Thai food. And they thought we were being crazy or just difficult when we wanted to ride on an actual Thai bus or train as opposed to the VIP coaches. Thailand was so wonderful in so many ways but you begin to be self loathing and hate all tourists because of this farang culture and what it is doing to the people and the land.

The best thing to do was to get out of the guesthouse neighborhoods and try to go where the Thai people are, as opposed to where all the fifty year old ex-pats with Thai hookers were hanging out. I am not denying that I am a total tourist, farang, whatever you want to call me, but for god sakes I came to Asia, and Thailand to at see a little bit of the real culture and to eat some frickin rice, not a wood oven pizza. Thailand is beautiful and amazing but the farang culture has gotta go, and us whiteys are the only ones who can stop it. So next time you go to Thailand get your butt on an actual Thai train, and eat some fricking Thai curries, you stupid farangs.


Peaceful Pai

Bangkok. Sushi with Rooz's family friend who showed us real Thai hospitality.

The Infamous Kho San Road! Bangkok!

On the Ferry in Bangkok

Skytrain!!

My 23rd B-day in Chang Mai!!!

my gorgeous lil piggy cake. rooz found it for me.

Chang Mai!

The Kings picture is everywhere!

Sweet Siam

So after China and India all you want to do is be worthless on a beach and rest up, which is why we headed straight for the south of Thailand. We spent three weeks laying on the beach, drinking cocktails out of a bucket, and making fun of all the Europeans and their bad dance moves. What can I say, life is rough. So three weeks into Thailand we had seen the islands of Phuket, Koh Phi Phi, Ko Samui, and the party island of Koh Phanagn. Needless to say the islands are pure debauchery (and this is coming from two UCSB graduates). After way too much tanning (aka burning) we decided we needed to get it together, and leave the islands. We needed to get back to the real Thailand and the legitimate backpacking scene. The islands were completely breathtaking but the downside is all the tourism, it causes you to be very self loathing after a while. The development can be quite depressing. Sadly in places like Phuket and Ko Samui you look out on to this beautiful beach, and then out of the corner of your eye see a 7-eleven and a McDonalds down the road. It is a shame that us foreigners demand convenience and comfort and wind up destroying the places we come to admire. So my island vacation was a great break from the usual chaos of Asia, but I am not some German man on holiday. Next stop Bangkok.

Kolkata you ain't as bad as you look.

At first glance Kolkata looks like hell on Earth, the wildest display of humanity you could ever imagine. In Kolkata privacy is not an option. People are eating sleeping, defecating, and essentially living out in the open, on the side of the streets. Life is not hidden in doors but happens all around you whether you like it or not. Kolkata is as in your face as it gets. The poverty, the crime, the drug use, the good, the bad, and the ugly spills out onto the streets. Everywhere you look there are beggars, insane taxi drivers, make-shift shanty towns and anything else you can imagine. To one side you see a vendor making lassis next to him a cobbler fixing shoes and then across the way a barber cutting hair on the sidewalk and a "dentist" cleaning teeth on stool outside a restaurant. The city is bursting with energy and chaos. Crossing the street in this hectic city without a scratch is a major feat. The traffic, the noise, the regular power outages and the horrendous smell of human feces all add to the persona of this old British Colonial Capital. This is the city of Mother Teresa, The Victoria Memorial and more professional beggars than you ever thought possible. But beyond all that squalor is a vibrant city full of colonial charm and metropolitan conveniences.Kolkata is a diamond in the rough mostly because of the Bengali people. They are by far the most genuine and hospitable people you will encounter in India. Our first night arriving in Kolkata an Indian man from Kolkata helped us get from the train station and into a taxi going to our guesthouse, it was completely unexpected and appreciated. Kolkata is a city that keeps on surprising you with its unexpected character and warmth.The longer you stay in one place in India the more you begin to become to understand all the madness and you stop just being part of the scenery. Kolkata made me a true fan of India as a country and made me realized the Indian people are what keep travelers back again and again despite everything else.